Building Blocks- Your questions, my thoughts
Today, we dive into boredom in early sobriety and how to push through the urge to fall into old habits
Dear Kelly,
I'm new to sobriety, and so incredibly bored. Without drinking, I don't know how to fill my time. I fear that this feeling of having no life while trying not to drink will be forever. Do you have any advice for staying entertained and not losing my mind?
Sincerely,
Bored and Sober
Dear Bored,
I’d like first to welcome you to early sobriety! You are not alone in suddenly dealing with the overwhelm of what seems like too much free time. Once you remove drinking, it almost feels like everything you know about your so-called fun life has been turned upside down. But I want to give you hope and help you see that boredom can just be a catalyst for changing things up for the better.
Here’s the good news: boredom is a gift. Right now, you’re thinking, “But HOW?”. I remember feeling this way all too well. I went from a social life that was out of control to a life that consisted of me coming home to my pajamas, wondering how early was too early to go to bed. What I ultimately found, though, was that my life was no less “fun”, it was just that my definition of what brought me joy needed to shift. I needed to get back to the things I once loved before booze got in the way.
1. Find Your Why
Something brought you to this point. There is a reason you chose to pursue sobriety. Maybe many reasons. What I want you to do is write those down. Put it somewhere you can see it often, whether that is in a journal, on a Post-it, or in your notes app. Refer to these reasons often and let them give you direction when you start to feel that worrisome feeling of boredom.
2. Rediscovering The Things You Used to Love (and Finding New Passions!)
Think about your life before drinking and going out started to become front and center. What brought you joy? What did you love doing? Maybe you have a passion for plants, playing music, or painting. Start figuring out how to get those activities back into your life, pronto!
This is also a great time to try something new. Perhaps cooking dinners at home is in your future, so take a cooking class! Maybe you can work on learning a new language (I use Duolingo for Spanish, and it is a lot of fun!). Here’s the thing…once you are no longer bound to the bar, you can do anything you want. If you think of it, try it! Why not?
3. Move Your Body
This is one that helped me in early sobriety and something I have continued over the years. If thoughts got to be too much, or the FOMO was heavy, I would get up and go walking or running with AirPods in. Back then, I would put on a recovery podcast and walk until I felt better. There is something about doing something good for your body and mind that reminds you that sobriety is an act of kindness that you are showing yourself. Remember, movement doesn’t have to be conventional. Have a dance party in your living room, put on a yin yoga practice on YouTube, rage clean your house, whatever works!
4. Find & Integrate Community
Ask anyone who has embarked on a path toward sobriety and healing, and they will tell you that community is crucial. Being isolated is a huge risk to your success, and we all need to know that there is another person out there who gets it and who is willing to help (they are out there! I am one of them!). You just need someone who you can trust to be there for you, be it a friend, family member, or someone you met on Instagram (ahem…I’m right here ). It also doesn’t hurt to join some sort of sober community or support group. Feel free to message me for suggestions for virtual sober communities that are supportive and kind.
5. Consider Mindfulness or Meditation
If you had asked me over five years ago what I thought about meditating before the sun came up each day, I would have laughed and laughed. But now, this is what I do without fail most mornings. Now, you don’t have to start out that way, but establishing some sort of mindfulness practice is a journey towards getting comfortable with sitting with yourself in the present moment, just how it is. I recommend checking out the free app Insight Timer for some great beginner’s content and guided meditations. If nothing else, this will allow you to recognize that peace and quiet are not your enemies.
6. Treat Yourself
My dear Bored, remember that you have chosen this life because you know that sobriety will be the best thing for you and that your hard work will pay off. As a result of your good choices, you deserve to indulge in some self care. Things I really enjoyed early on were new journals and pens, a new book, CHOCOLATE, and coffee. Did I mention chocolate? Allow yourself some indulgences along the way so you feel good about the choice you have made.
You are doing this thing, and this feeling won’t last forever. You are in a period of adjustment to a life that is healthier, happier and maybe even sometimes boring. But I have found that my idea of fun now looks very different than it once did, and I no longer see my life as boring. It is simply different, slower, and something I value. Embrace this, my friend. You deserve to know what is beyond this boredom barrier.
Best,
Kelly
Agree with all of these. #4 has been the game changer and mindset shift for me. The new community allows me to be accepted and embraced by likeminded people and shows me there are other people who are successfully navigating (and enjoying) life.